The words cut deep. Drew attention to the festering issue that I kept pushing aside.
My struggles with pride are not on the avenue of success but of failure. I try to shrug them off, explain them away, but they are there– breathing down my neck.
If you’ve read my story, you’re aware that my physical issues that let to infertility also draped pounds around my waist. Pounds that cause me to struggle and cry and avoid mirrors. Every ounce that I escape from has to be prided off with iron determination– something I lack too much of to regain use of my size 6 jeans.
I never thought of my frowns and groans as pride– but they are. My selfish, prideful heart bemoaning the fact that I’m not pretty enough to suit my tastes. It is me, looking at what I have and saying, “Sorry, God, not enough.”
I have health to work and muscles to man-handle 1200 pound animals day in and day out. I can walk. I can run. I can garden and fish and chase the nieces and nephews through hay-fields.
And I’m too prideful to accept that as good?
In Daniel 4 we find the story of Nebuchadnezzar. The man who chose pride over sanity.
God said, If you continue in your pride– you will be stripped of everything, even your ability to reason. Daniel said, Oh, King, humble yourself! Nebuchadnezzar, knowing all this, said, Look at the kingdom I have made. And the end result was seven years of insanity. Seven years of living with cattle.
Pride is a big deal.
It doesn’t matter what kind, whether from success or failure–
pride is the theft of attention from God.
It is the glorying of self, either in the negative or positive. It is sin. Ugly, heart-blackening, sin.
Oh, God, break this in me!
I like my sanity. I love my God. I hate my pride. But it is my choice to rule it. It is my choice to look at what God has given me– and praise Him.
Oh, Lord, You do all things good.
This doesn’t mean that we just shrug our shoulders at the places we fail and say, “I’ll just be happy with what I’ve got.” That’s laziness. It does mean that we praise Him for all the things we do have– putting all the attention and honor back where it belongs.
And the glory?
At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever.
If that glory was available then– it must be now.
Now I, [Natasha], praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble.
(from Daniel 4:37)
For a great reminder about the other side of weight loss- read "Applying the Power of Accountability to My Hips"