Truth hit me between the eyes. None of us deserve anything. My mind said that my inability to get pregnant was like a negative God’s-favor-test. I wanted to be able to work hard enough to get the things I desired, but that’s not how it works.
In the Old Testament, we read of people who served gods of all kinds, idols made of wood and stone. Men believed that if they did the right things, the gods would give them what they desired. They would offer sacrifices to win favors from their deity of choice and go to great lengths to fulfill the commands to get the things they wanted.
Our God is not like other gods. He is not an idol. He is living. Breathing. Moving.
Even during those ancient times before Jesus died on Calvary, when the Israelite people were required to bring sacrifices to the temple, they were not offered to earn favors. Sacrifices were given in thanksgiving or to ask for forgiveness from sins.
When I expect that my “goodness” will win me favors from God, I reduce His awesome holiness to that of a worthless idol.
Oh, God, forgive this sinner.