He didn’t know if he’d ever get married and it caused him bitterness for years. Then slowly, piece by piece, God broke down the bits of pride and fear and hurt and brought him to a place of surrender.
Just a few years later, I arrived in his life. We were introduced at a Christmas concert and before the next Christmas, we were married.
Almost immediately I began struggling with the reality of infertility.
I wandered through depression. Struggled with weight gain. Cried over the oddest things.
And he stood there, strong and unmovable at my side. Sometimes his strength made me angry. I would cry over not having babies and he would say, all matter a fact, “Well, I thought I’d never have a wife and I do. So we’re going to keep surrendering this.”
Later he would say, “I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I married this capable stable woman and ended up with a crying mess.” Oh, my poor husband.
But when I lifted my head from depression and finally was able to take a deep cleansing breath, he was still there.
As time passed, we started trading our moments of weakness back and forth. Sometimes, I’m strong and preaching surrender while he struggles with the reality that he may never have a son. Then I’ll crumble and he’ll hold me tight.
Just a few weeks ago we came home from Bible Study, where he had snuggled a little baby boy for most of the evening, and he broke down. “I leaned down to pick the baby up,” he told me, his voice scratchy with tears, “and I just wanted to say, ‘God! What are you thinking?! It’s not fair. It’s just not fair that my wife may never give me a child of my own.'”
And we talk and cry and this horrible trial that breaks us and wounds us and hurts so. stinking. bad. is also the thing that binds us tight together.
I love that my husband is, really, the only person in the whole world that understands my worst heartache.
Many people understand infertility but my husband understands my personal journey through it.
The Challenge:
Have you walked through hardship? Is your spouse still beside you? That is something worth loving.
Natasha Metzler 
We’ve experienced financial struggles (nothing that God hasn’t blessed us through) in our first year-and-three-quarters of marriage that I’d never had before. And yet he is strong with me through it, even when I know it hurts him sometimes, too. We lean on each other, and we point each other to Christ, and lean on Him together. That’s all there is to do, but that’s all we need.
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We’ve walked this road as well. And God has been faithful to knit us tight together through it. ❤
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Beautifully said. The male perspective on infertility has been heavy on my heart lately. I remember wondering how my husband and I would ever get through it…but by the grace of God, as you so aptly put, he understood my worst heartache and walked thru it with me. We got stronger together, made powerful decisions together and are the best of friends because of our shared struggle. Blessings to you as your story continues to unfold.
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Amen. ❤
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Amen. ❤
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Amen. Two years of dealing with ruptured discs in his back, several years of infertility. Definitely tough times, but we got through them together and are stronger for it.
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and, now you’re raising a passel of beautiful children. 🙂
I love seeing and hearing about your family adventures. Your hardships have definitely made you approachable and gentle. ❤
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I’ve read this one several times now because I can so identify with it. My husband is so strong that sometimes it seems like it doesn’t bother him nearly as much as it bothers me that we aren’t having children. He sees me cry, he sees me hurt, and he is there with open arms and an “I know. I’m sorry.” and sometimes I wonder if he actually does know…. But of course, he does. He just knows how badly I want children and doesn’t want to talk about how badly he wants them as well, just so as not to upset me.
Several months ago, he woke up on a Saturday morning, and I could tell something was wrong. Eventually, he told me that he dreamed we had kids. A little boy and a little girl. He saw them playing in our yard, and we were all so happy. It felt so real that when he first woke up, he wondered if it might be true. Then, he began to cry. Of course, I started crying too, and we sat there for at least 45 minutes, and just cried together. It was then I realized that he hurts just as much as I hurt. He longs for children just as much as I do. Although that was a hard day, it has helped me to pray much better for him. I’m not alone. We’re facing this together…..and we are the better for it!
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We’re experiencing infertility and so for the past year and a half, my husband has seen me worried, cried, struggled, faithful and trusting. I too wondered if he ever felt the same way because he didn’t speak much of it. But he listened to what I said, to my cries, complaints and praising God. When we would check our pregnancy test if it’s positive, he was there with me, anxious and excited. Then when we see it negative, he’s there with me disappointed yet hopeful. He’s expressed to me his fear of becoming a father if God grants it and I love him for that. Because it reminds both of us that only God can enable us.
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