When Life Turns Out Different Than What You Expected

when life turns out different than what you expected
Some stories don’t turn out like we expect them to.

I’m sure Mary would agree with me. She said yes to God’s plan, despite her limited understanding. She put her hand right in His and followed the path laid down for her.

But I somehow doubt she ever expected where all it would lead her.

When my husband and I were first contacted about adopting a little unborn baby, we went right to our knees. We were Gideon with all his doubts. We weren’t strong enough, wealthy enough.

Four times I stretched out a fleece. Not just the twice that Gideon did. Four times.

Are you sure, God?

Every time He laid my fears to rest. This was His battle, His decision, His plan. Continue reading


the best Christian books for infertile women

the best Christian books for infertile women #alist

**disclosure: affiliate links present. For more information, read my disclosure policy.

As with any list, every book here may not be helpful to you. Many were just what I needed, some I included because while they did little for me, others have shared how greatly they were impacted by them. You will quickly find that most are faith-based and there is a reason for that. As a Christian, I believe there is a unique way to look at trials in life– and I naturally turn to others who are also looking to God for answers.

This is not a list of books that offer ways to get pregnant, but rather, ways to deal with infertility from in the middle. Continue reading

Does God love some more than others?

It’s there in Acts. The fledgling church is empowered through the Holy Spirit, the men who once disappeared in fear during the crucifixion now step boldly into the streets. Some are killed, but the preaching goes on. The Word of Life is spreading like wildfire through the city.

James Zebedee (the brother of John) is one of them, a disciple of Jesus who once hid in fear, but he’s now proclaiming the Messiah has come and will return. In anger, Herod has him arrested and put to death with the sword. Another martyr’s blood is spilled.

Near the same time, Peter is seized and placed in prison. He is chained, and placed between two guards in a locked jail cell. Herod is planning another death, desiring to kill off Christians to please the Jews.

But this time God moves. An angel of the Lord walks right into the jail cell, the chains fall off, Peter is told to stand up and follow. Doors open in front of them. Guards are blinded to them.

When Peter arrives at the home of Mary, mother of John-Mark, instead of letting him in, the servant girl, Rhoda, leaves him standing there and runs to exclaim to the gathered Believers, “Peter is at the door!”

They thought she was crazy. But time proves her words. It is Peter, rescued from the edge of death.

And here’s the question this passage begs, Did God love Peter more than James?  Continue reading

Infertility is a Joy?

Once upon a time I thought infertility was destroying my faith. I didn’t realize that true faith is indestructible. The part of me that was crumbling? It wasn’t, nor had it ever been, faith.

James knew this truth, which is why he instructed the church in James 1 to, “Count it all joy when you face trials of various kinds…”


Count it joy, Natasha, when you face infertility.

Infertility is a Joy?

If you had told me this seven years ago, I would have smiled and nodded, and then cried myself to sleep that night. Because it wasn’t joyful. It was horrible. Continue reading

Though I May Never Bear a Child…

I didn’t really think of the ramifications of having a daughter who can read well. The other day I came into the room and she was snuggled up on the couch with Pain Redeemed in her hands. I raised my eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

Later she came to me and hugged me from behind. “Oh, Mommy,” she said into my back, “I didn’t know you lost a baby.”

She was snuffling and wiping tears before I could react and we both ended up sitting on the kitchen floor talking about how God gives and takes away and it’s okay. 

“You must be so sad all the time!” she said.

“No, no,” I scrambled to explain. “I’m not so sad all the time. God has been good to us.” Continue reading

Faith in Life and Death (and infertility)

I was sitting on the sofa, tears streaming down my face. My words came out stuttered and halting. “I just feel like now it’s final. I’ll never have a child.”

It sounded harsh, even to my own ears. My husband’s hand tightened around mine.

And then the man seated across the room from me sighed heavy. “Actually, Tasha,” he said, “I’ve been sensing something from the Lord for awhile about this, but I didn’t want to say anything in case I was wrong. Truthfully, it was just fear because I don’t want anything to be harder for you. But I’m going to say it. You’re going to have a child, soon.”

I was too tired to laugh, as Sarah did. And too desperate for hope to refute him, as the Shunammite woman did to Elisha in 2 Kings 4.  Continue reading

The Cycle of Dreams

When I lived in the little house in the middle of town, some days would feel claustrophobic. There were neighbors across the street with children who banged on my door at all hours of the day. During the night there were cars and drug deals and the sweet smell of marijuana drifting in my bedroom window.

I wasn’t there for myself, I was there for them. For the chocolate eyed little girls and the swaggering tough-boys and the moms who sat on my porch chain-smoking and telling me how they’ve been trying their whole lives and why was I different?

I was there to tell them about Jesus but I still got claustrophobic. Continue reading